What We Talk About Them...

I recently had a chat with my man about how much to tell third parties about what was going on in our relationship. He said he would prefer if fights, inside jokes and sexual aspects remain between the two of us upon which I reflected all the conversations I had had with my female friends and decided to not tell him what we usually discuss about out men. 
I know it is a cliche and some of you might now yell at me when I say, although it is cliche that women have to talk about everything, I deem this to be true. At least with all the women I know. 
Additionally, men are often not keen to discuss relationships problems and other issues, so what choice do we women have than to turn to each other? Even if it is just for the "oh, don't worry, my man does the same" phrase you dearly want to hear to confirm your relationship is not somehow flawed in an unusual way. So, even if it doesn't solve the problem, it helps me (and I guess other women) to hear phrases like "Oh, my man doesn't talk about his feelings either" or "My man is a slob, too, he wouldn't pick up his trousers from the floor if his life was dependent on it" or "my man gets drunk every weekend, too, I hate it but what can you do?" 
As mentioned, these sentences do not solve the problem, but you don't feel so alone in your frustration the other half can sometimes cause. 
I also daresay many men are utterly terrified of the thought that we women might discuss and compare every single part of him - and I can tell all men in the world, we do. Very much so. When we have a ladies' night, you picture us in short, slutty PJs, pillow fighting, massaging each other and showering together. In fact, none of these fantasies are true. In fact, we spend the evening talking about you, comparing you to the men of our friends. But relax, we don't do that because we want to downgrade or humiliate you, we just want to make sure our friends's men are bigger assholes than our own. In fact, this, again, is just about women competing with the best sex story and bragging about your own man but making it sound like a complaint, for instance, "My man needs so long to get it done, if only we could have sex lasting only ten minutes" or "my man is so muscular, he nearly crushes me every time we have sex" or "What? Your men cannot have sex twice in a row? I thought this was normal..." (Ok, the last one is only bragging anymore, no complaint there). 
So, men of the world, I compiled a list which have been, are and will be discussed by your girlfriends when they come together: 

• Breadth, width, looks and ability of your penis 
• The sex positions you want to try out and how well you did
• Kinky stuff you (the man) are into 
• Oral sex (yes, no, performance) 
• How you deal with fights (you don't)
• Your emotional maturity (er, no comment here...)
• The angle you ease into us (believe me, there is much to do wrong)
• Your foreplay qualities (too long, mostly, I don't know who came up with the myth that women want to have hour long foreplay, WE ARE ACTUALLY ONLY GETTING SORE) 
• Dirty talk during sex
• Weird places you did it (for bragging purposes)
• Your bad habits 
• What a bitch your best female friend is 
• What idiots your male friends are 
• Funny, embarrassing moments in your life - farting, slipping, freezing in the 28 DEGREE swimming pool (really, such a wuss), failing at cooking and cleaning, etc, etc, etc... 
• AND all the above is compared to the other men and discussed to the smallest detail. There are no allusions. We actually say things like "with the angle he uses to ease into me, his penis slightly rips open my vagina, which means we can only have sex a month" or "his penis is great, it's not the biggest, but, gosh, what he can do with it..." 

And much more.
In case you now want to get rid of your girlfriend, don't, as I can assure you it doesn't matter for women whether you are talking about your lifelong boyfriend or a one-night-stand - we will always talk about you, your penis, sexual ability and your inability to deal with your emotions. Believe me, there is no getting out of it, but if you are lucky (and good in bed), your girlfriend will at least praise your sexual techniques and that is really not too bad, is it?