In less than three weeks, I will be a Sadie, Sadie, married lady, which is also why I have been quite absent from blogging. However, with our big day inching closer every day, I wanted to share some insights about our wedding and some ideas, thoughts, etc. If you're interested which conclusions I have already drawn about what you DON'T need at a wedding (in my opinion), read my blog post here.
The response I get the most in these days before my upcoming wedding, is that I must be terribly stressed and nervous - weirdly neither is really true. Do I call my mum every day to discuss one last detail (and it's never the last)? Of course! Do I hope everything will go smoothly on our big day? Bet on it. Yet, there is not fretting, panicking or fear - at least until now. I must say, more than anything else I am really looking forward to it. I prepared the music myself, so I know it will be fantastic and I can't wait to to see so many people who love us and want to celebrate our biggest love with us.
And, of course, I can't wait to become my man's wife.
In fact, the biggest issue I've had in the past days was that I felt I should be more nervous, which, ironically, made me more nervous - but that's women for you. I've discussed this issue with my father and he came to the wise conclusion that people who worry about the nitty-gritty details of their weddings too much, may want to divert from the fact that there is not much going on content-wise in their weddings, which is what I want to write about in this blog post as well. Whenever I was invited to weddings, I often felt saddened by the fact that the love between two people was more ridiculed than anything - either through idiotic and humiliating wedding games or bland jokes about matrimony. Why on a day of celebrating love, do you think it is the right time to say out loud that the man's good days are over, now that he is tied to a woman? Why are there still jokes about how she now must cook him proper meals as his wife?
I reject these "traditions" of mockery because I think it occurs mainly with people who simply cannot take the rare and pure beauty of love. Love can be something hard to bear and to celebrate if you have never been accustomed to the feeling, at least that is how I try to explain such behaviour.
My man and I, no surprise there, have firmly stated we wish to have no such parlour games at our wedding and will certainly not expose ourselves to the ridicule of other people on our big day, as I think it adds nothing wonderful or honest to the entire atmosphere.
Probably this is also one reason why I am not really nervous. Compared to many other brides I know, I was very involved in planning this wedding and have firmly established what we (I) wanted and didn't want. From the whispers and secret WhatsApp groups, I know my people have organised a surprise or two, but I trust my friends and family to only do presentations or what-have-you that won't humiliate our love and us in front of our entire family and friends.
Once I was at a wedding where the bride was blindfolded and had to guess her husband by checking out various man's calves with her hands. So basically, as a bride you have to blindfolded your perfectly make-upped face and crouch on the floor in your expensive wedding dress for everybody else's entertainment? No way! A really terrible tradition, I think, is the money-collecting. At my cousins' weddings, the people tossed coins at the couple, which they had to sweep up with brooms, which was permanently delayed because some stupid lunatic thought it hilarious to empty the bucket whenever it was almost full. HAHA, I can't stop laughing (in case, you missed, it that was sarcasm). Even worse, afterwards the man sits down and the woman, wearing an apron, has to dance for him or something - it's highly disturbing.
In my opinion, and what I have learnt from planning this wedding, the success or failure of our big day is tied to very few conditions: good people, good food, good music. Anything else is an option and whether the menu cards have a mistake, it's raining bucket loads of water or my hairdo unravels during the day should really not be a reason to let this wonderful event to be tainted.
Stay tuned for more wedding-related content in the upcoming days :-)
Planning a wedding is said to be one of the most stressful experiences in life. Although I cannot vouch for that just yet, I have to say that my upcoming wedding has put me in front of numerous decisions, crises and sleepless nights. Long before even getting engaged, I vowed to myself I would not become a "Bridezilla" who would terrorise everyone and be stressed for the six months of planning.
And I am not (I think), yet the relentless thought of "this will only happen ONCE in my life" keeps sneaking up and occasionally brings my Bridezilla out nevertheless.
The most stressful aspect of planning a wedding I have encountered so far is bracing yourself about EVERYONE'S opinion on how a proper wedding should be. Cousins, aunts, uncles, mothers, sisters and brothers - they all think they can chip in and share their thoughts. To some extent, that's perfectly fine, as it is a family party, yet the whole "beshoulding" can really cost the last nerve of a bride.
The first problem already starts with the guest list when you have to invite that racist uncle, the cousin you hate or a friend's stupid boyfriend - out of manners. Am I impolite that I don't want to share my big day with someone I can't stand...weird.
But I am digressing. Weddings are first and foremost about compromise - unless you are ruthless and have plenty of money. OK, so the cousin 12 times removed shall be invited then and my cake shall not have marzipan, as apparently no one likes that (these are not necessarily real-life examples). Some compromises bear great fruits, others I have decided to simply put my foot down on and decide they are stupid and I won't do them - and here they are.
1) Freshly cut flowers
I have my wedding reception at a 4-star hotel and as much as I like the benefits of a hotel doing most of the work, they do have some weird idea of wedding planning. My hotel wedding manager constantly keeps sending me emails about details for "my decorator" or "florist". I don't have a decorator or florist. Who, in the times of Pinterest, needs to pump money into someone deciding what you like best?
Also, my hotel wedding planner proposed his house-in florist could make the bouquets for the tables - for fucking €400! Why would you spend such a massive sum of money on flowers that perish after a week? I politely declined, thinking he was a little bonkers and decided to have flower pots with alive flowers instead.
a) they can be given to guests as a present
b) you can keep them as a memory
c) a smaller flower costs about €2-5 and a simple pot about €1-2. In total, my flowers now cost less than €100 instead of 400 - and I get to keep the flowers - so do away with freshly cut flowers and save some money for dead flowers.
2) A DJ
If bands are your thing, sure go for it. I personally decided against one for my wedding, as I like the original voices to sing the songs. Perusing DJs, I found two things:
a) they are completely overpriced
b) their playlists are shit
Unless you don't have any music taste of your own and need someone else to compile a list, why pay someone for a job you could do better? In times of Spotify and Amazon Prime Music, there is easy access to massive music databases and even ready-made playlists you can adjust to your personal taste. I quickly decided against a DJ, but I have appointed someone to watch the music, so I don't have to bother with it during the night of my wedding party. Oh and by the way, that's entirely for free if you find someone to lend you their control desk.
3) The "Aperitif"
Handing people a welcome drink is a great way to say hello and start the wedding mood. However, this trend of "aperitifs" where they ask you to pay €17 per person for a lousy Prosecco is simply outrageous. The notion that people always have to eat or drink in every second of your wedding is idiotic and costs you even more money. I don't want to sound avaricious, but spending a fortune on your wedding so people can eat and drink all night and then adding another aperitif is too much to be asked, if you ask me.
4) A wedding photographer
True, weddings occur (ideally) only once in life and you want wonderful photos of the day - I do too. However, as soon as you mention "wedding" somewhere, the price gets automatically doubled and tripled. A wedding package for 3 hours for a whopping €1500 is insane, if you ask me. I inquired my friends and colleagues whether they knew anyone in the photo business and soon found someone who would do it for a decent price and would personalise them to my taste, not the photographers. It is shameful what kind of business is done with us brides, especially if you then end up with stuck-up, posed photos that look inauthentic and boring.
5) Wedding gifts
Obviously it's nice when people think of you and buy you something for your wedding. However, with couples increasingly living together well before their wedding days, gifting a mixer or salad bowl becomes increasingly obsolete. Additionally, with more financial freedom and choices, most couples rather want to choose their own house items than simply be stuck with the ones your grandmother 4 times removed chose. A wedding gift registry is obviously also an option, but for me it feels even more brazen than asking for money. Living in money-saving Tyrol, a money wedding is thankfully not a big deal, so we're only asking for a contribution for our honeymoon (Sweden, by the way, I will write the travelog on my travel blog floatingmylife.weebly.com/). Personally, with young couples still moving around, a bulky crystal set would also only be another box to carry...
Any thoughts you'd like to share on unnecessary items on weddings? I am always happy to hear from you.
Writer. Editor. Blogger. YouTuber. Freelancer. Traveller. English fanatic.