Whenever you are in a negative mood, there is a point where you think "Hell, pull yourself together. Tomorrow you will get up early, eat properly, don't slouch on the sofa and watch TV and GET SOMETHING DONE." Well, I am quite close to that point so I decided to let off a final rant before I become too optimistic again.
At the moment I can say with all conviction that my life is not too great (that was so sugarcoated - in fact, it sucks). I have no job, my toe is still hurting and might have been broken after all (another rant about hospital doctors might be following soon) and my driving really needs improving. Additionally, I am in a country I don't want to be and the only person to be blamed for that is myself (it's always the WORST if there is no one else to blame but yourself).
Anyway, I have been ranting about my driving lessons, my joblessness and other things over the past days and the only thing I hear are things like "you need to change your attitude" and "if you see it that way it will never change."
I HATE THAT! I claim my right to pessimism. We now live in an age where we are overrun with cards featuring happy thoughts and beshoulding ourselves with sayings like "If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely" or "the biggest sources of motivation are your own thoughts, so think big and motivate yourself to win" (these are actual examples).
I mean, they're nice thoughts but aren't they also fucking ANNOYING! I tell you what, cards, I CANNOT always have happy thoughts so you're telling me I look crap whenever a dark thought crosses my mind? Will I never win only because I cannot motivate me on some days to think big? I just CAN'T.
I think these thoughts and cards are overbearing and they stress me because whenever I am in a dark mood, I get subtly told that something is wrong with me and I am a bad person. But guess what, there are days where I want to hate everything and I would rather hear something like "you're right, your life is crap, if I were you I would sulk in front of the telly, too, all day" instead of "you have to change your attitude".
I HATE that sentence. Believe me, I know there is a huge debate about the power of thoughts and attitude and, believe me even more, I would LOVE to be someone who is always cheerful and positive, but I simply am NOT. I am a pessimistic, cranky, easily annoyed (haha, this text is getting soooo negative right now because I am listening to the soundtrack of Vertigo...I wonder what this text would be like if I listened to "Pocketful of Sunshine"...well, we'll never know...proceeding) person who feels quickly depressed when things aren't going too well - even though I always get up and some point and pull myself together.
And I know, I need to work on my optimism but I think just saying "think positive" is pretty lame and far too undetailed for my taste. What does that even mean? Be more specific...
So, people, stop beshoulding others and let them wallow in their self-pity. They will come round eventually themselves (at least I do). Sometimes, you have to hate everything and everyone and then you will get it back into perspective, but telling a cranky person to change their attitude is as effective as telling an angry child to apologise. Neither will accept or understand it and you will only poke their anger even more. Probably just hug them and tell them you're there for them and when they're halfway sane again, THEN you can come with your bullshit pep talk about attitudes and sunbeams on their faces.
Probably someone should come up with a mean card factory (and I am sure someone already has). Cards with texts like "I hate everyone, don't even bother talking to me" or "I am such a bitch, deal with it" or a stay-ill-card saying "other people suck anyway, so why leave the house?"
Final addition. I am flying to London in November with my gorgeous boyfriend, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and, to be completely honest, my life isn't that terrible, I know that. Of course, sometimes things suck, but actually I have a wonderful life with even better people in it, but sometimes a little rant simply has to be and for all the crankheads out there, I hope you feel better knowing that someone out there understands how you feel, so cuddle up in front of your TV and hate the world for a while. I am sure you will recover soon and learn to appreciate what you have again, like I just did.
Thank you for reading!
PS. During the last paragraph I was listening to The Pink Panther Theme - see, sometimes it is just all about the right soundtrack.
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