And Then I Was A Mother...

Hi everyone! In case you're wondering where I've gone in the past weeks of inactivity, there are a few things that have kept me writing on this blog. 

For starters, I was struggling with how I wanted to continue this blog and whether I need to dedicate it to a specific theme or topic to call it a successful blog. You know, like a lifestyle blog or a fashion blog or a mama's blog. I then ended up with far too many sub-blogs on the page and was constantly frustrated on which page the content fits best. However, I then realised that my interests are manifold and that humans don't only fit into one category. This blog is my outlet from my writing day job - it's where I dictate the steps and, so what, if a post on breastfeeding is right above one about how to work from home as a freelancer - I am, after all, a mama and freelancer at the same time, so I'm going to revamp the website a little and whittle it down - and this page is now the main blog. 

And, yeah, I also had a baby. 

In early August, exactly one day before my best friend's wedding (because life's a bitch), my beautiful daughter Lily Leonora made her spectacular entrance into the world. I would love to say something serene like my birth experience was the most wonderful experience in the world and how it transformed me wholly and how I calmly breathed Lily out - but I can't. Because it wouldn't be true. 
In fact, I experienced birth as the single most painful thing that ever happened to me - and that includes a seven-hour operation when I was diagnosed with endometriosis, as well as the occasional terrifyingly painful stomach aches I got from it. And I did the works, believe me. I read books on hypnobirthing, did the breathing and all that shit - but nothing really helped except screaming and concentrating hard on not accidentally dying.

Indeed, my labour was actually quite short, as when I arrived at the hospital I was merely three centimetres dilated and just over two hours later, Lily was in my arms. When we arrived, the doctor came in, smiling smugly and announced we were in the early stages of labour and this would take quite a while - oh how wrong he was. Most have told me I should be grateful for having gone through such a short labour; however, it also meant I couldn't really ease into birth. I'd imagined us coming into the hospital way before the pain really kicked in, me having a bath in the gigantic bath tub and slowly getting accustomed to the pain. But no way, pain shot through me from minute one and when we came to the hospital the pain had reached a level of insanity that I was just begging for a Cesarean - anything to get this thing out of me. 
Thankfully, Jakob successfully talked me out of the Cesarean and it was too late for an epidural, so I pushed on and she was there before we knew it (I also tore my perineum gravely, so thanks for nothing perineal massage). 

Enclosing her in my arms was beyond anything, there she was the little one, smeared with blood and that white stuff that they come with; me, utterly speechless and beyond happiness, tiredness, exhaustion and anxiety. Sadly, I needed to be sown under general anesthetic, but she spent that time with her daddy and they bonded. The minute she was with me, I forgot about all the pain and just looked at her in awe - I still often do and wonder how she can be mine. 

Actually, she's calling me right now - one thing I've learnt in the past seven weeks is that flexibility is key, so I'll add my further thoughts to another post and let you know about how breastfeeding worked out for me after some preliminary hiccups...off I rush to nurse my baby! 
​