I am sure we all have them...these little secret behaviours we hide from others, may it be picking the nose, pretending to understand something we don't, or being unable to do big business at work (if you get what I mean). I, however, don't want to suppress and hide any longer and hereby share some of my quirks with you, and because I like to spice up things, I made a (notifiably horrible) poem out of it. Consider yourselves warned, I love writing and I can write prose, but I ain't no poet...
Some things I do in secret
and I sometimes wonder,
if others do them too,
These are the things I ponder.
(Excuse this horrendous rhyming, but consider, I warned you,
I am a poor poet, have always been, from my head all way down to my shoe).
These things I do, I'll tell you now and you'll see what we share,
these distinctive attitudes, behaviours, quirks, oddities, or what else, I don't care.
So possibly we will learn, we're not alone on Earth,
with oddities and weird behaviour, like we always thought,
and that is something worth.
For instance, did you know I have my special toilet at work,
far back in the corner where no one goes, is it inconvenience or just a quirk?
Let's just say I would frequent it for unsaid business,
Cause no one shall see (or smell) what you know I do (more or less...)
But let's proceed to less inconvenience, away from toilets and such,
Cause there are so many other quirks to consider, thank you very much.
Whenever you are late at mornings and you miss your bus or train
do you keep running, too, so no one might think you just ran in vain?
A morning jog in high heels and handbag, more curious things to occur...
after all, running to work is a cheaper and healthier way to transfer.
Additionally, you skip the humiliation of people knowing you were too late,
and from then on the judging might go all way down
to your hair, your outfit, your weight.
If you go out in a group, especially women, do you order salad, too?
Only to please them because you know only salami pizza and coke could please you.
You then nibble your boring and healthy salad, feeling slightly superior,
because even though you eye up your neighbour's pizza, you're no longer inferior.
When you're stuck in an elevator with somebody else,
(worst case scenario if you ask me),
is your nose glued to your phone as if your life was dependent on it
cause there's nowhere to flee?
Do you sometimes, when stuck behind someone on the escalator
on your way,
roll your eyes as conspicuously as possible
to make the person know subtly "go away!"
But as soon as they turn around to you, you bless them with a broad smile,
even though your thoughts are still terrible and vile.
Speaking of escalators, I hate to touch them, as you can get electrified,
so I always double tap them first, do you do that or have you ever tried?
As if the sensation would be lesser in pain, when double tapping the band,
I tell you from experience, as I have tried often, it never goes as I had it planned.
Is there a mirror in your elevator and when you are alone,
are you gurning like it's the championship, too?
Show all your poses and what your face can offer,
even if it looks like you need to poo.
When I don't want to speak to people anymore,
(which is a permanent state)
I pretend to be English, so I don't have to chat,
Or I simply pretend I am late.
There are so many other things I could tell,
other things including far worse than smell.
Even worse than this rhyming has been,
Probably the worst you will ever have seen...
But will you have, though?
As I am quite certain,
that you are hiding similar things behind your curtain.
(Goodness, that last stanza was particularly bad,
A rhymer I'm not, which sometimes makes me sad).
So farewell I must say for now and tonight,
go to bed, draw your curtains and switch off the light,
and remember, in the safety of your own four walls,
you can live the things you'd rather hide,
or you can share them here with us, and wear them with pride.
Writer. Editor. Blogger. YouTuber. Freelancer. Traveller. English fanatic.