I haven't written anything in the past days because I have been grieving. On Tuesday, 19th September 2017, my darling dog Lilly had to be put to sleep, aged 14. I got her when she was just nine weeks and she was my angel and companion until she had to go. Unfortunately, she had a tumor and she suffered so much, we decided it was better to let her go and relieve her from her pain.
People who do not have dogs might not understand how painful it is to lose your furry companion but it really is and having been accompanied by Lilly for 14 years rips a huge hole into everybody's life who knew her well.
The past days I escaped to Italy with my man to alleviate the pain a little and keep my thoughts from thinking too much, but more on that later. Now, I want to concentrate on the beautiful creature who has left our family and I want to share her beauty and character with a letter to her.
My darling Lilly,
I dearly hope you are somewhere nice now and are playing with Timmy as you used to. You came to us so little you couldn't jump on the sofas and we had to lift you up. You were so tiny you fit into my lap and that was where you often slept. You slept in Mum's bed because you were so afraid of the darkness.
We got you in autumn and I took you on walks every day and you chased the leaves in the wind with your baby walk and your puppy bark. Often you were so tired mid-way that I had to carry you and you rested your head on my shoulder and marvelled at the world from there.
You were a happy dog and you absolutely loved us, as we loved you. Your loyalty reached beyond the universe and you were the best consoler there was.
When I had a shower and put on my bathrobe, you always chased the band which held it in its place and we had a little pull and drag battle, you on the one, I on the other side. You were yapping so happily when we came home that even if I had had the worst of all days, I had to smile and feel cheered up.
Admittedly, you couldn't properly wag your tail, it was our running joke. You always sat on it and if you wagged, it was a teeny, weeny movement and it was a real shocker if you wagged vigorously for once.
You could open ANY door. We couldn't teach you tricks and I, for my part, think it's not because you were too daft, it was because you didn't see the point of it. Still, you didn't lack your smarts. As said, no door was safe from you and you could play tricks on Timmy. I remember that when you both got bones, you would bark, pretending there was someone coming. Then you waited until Timmy raced to the door and you stole his bone.
You always crawled underneath the duvets, which was like having the best hot water bottle anyone could dream of. You would stand in front of the bed, looking expectantly, and when we raised the duvet for you, you would jump underneath and lie close to the leg, huffing and puffing like a train.
You loved bottles and you gnawed on our furniture. All our table corners were bitten down and if ever you could get a bottle, you would lie down and gnaw on it until the lid came off, lick twice into the bottle and walk away, now disinterested. You also stole butter and we knew when you had been there because there were two discernible traces of dog teeth in the butter and a guilty-as-hell look on your face.
You always tried to make it right for everybody. Once, at the kitchen table, I ordered you to jump on the table (which I shouldn't have) and Mum ordered you to come to her instead because she didn't want dogs on the table. You looked at both of us, then ran to Mum and jumped on the table from there. We laughed so much.
You generally always made us laugh and there are so many happy memories coined to your presence I would be writing until eternity if listing them here. Also, many will remember the Mohican you had on the back of your neck and which was your trademark, so to speak. Your lip is legendary, too, always coming up when you were growling and playing and you made us so happy when you did.
So, my darling Lilly, as bereft as we feel, we know you are in a better place now and you must know you will be dearly missed and never be forgotten. Tender smiles will fill our faces whenever we speak of you and I, for my part, know I will never have a dog like you again because you were my first and the first is always something special and unforgettable. Don't forget you will be the one who paved the way for many other dogs to come and to make us happy and through you we have learnt to be better owners, a better family and better people altogether. You were our angel and Dad even called you an Animagus because you were so human at some times, we could have mistaken you for one. You died old, which is a relieve and your life was full of joy and happiness and we did our best to make it the best for you! We love you so much and there will always be a little Lilly-shaped hole in our hearts until we are reunited one day.
I love you beyond the universe my darling and rest in peace.
Your caretaker, owner and best friend among many,
Yeaaaaaah, I finally managed to get my driver's licence and now that I know I don't have to drive anymore if I don't want to, is so relieving that I am honestly considering jumping with joy.
After nearly a year of torture, I managed to do it on Tuesday, so stay off the streets and carry on ;-)
I have a confession to make...
I recently bought a Jack Wolfskin jacket.
But let me tell you the whole story and why this confession - which for most people wouldn't be a biggie - is such a bummer in my life. This has to do with one more of my absurd prejudices that form over life - I have always hated the brand Jack Wolfskin. There is no logical reason why, but I guess it is because of the people I associate with it. As you know (or don't) I am not what you would call "outdoorsey" and, mostly, I consider my style to be up-to-date, stylish and borderline elegant, which doesn't correlate at all to being outdoorsey. Fortunately, as I am growing older, I become more relaxed when it comes to people who annoy me for no good reason (like their clothes) and I can accept their inability to style themselves or wear proper attire for the proper reason. The reason why I would have rather shot myself than buy at Jack Wolfksin before this day is simply because I cannot stand it when people walk through the city, go visiting people or, even worse, attend an event in too casual, sportive and simply improper attire. If you're casual or rather sportive that is no problem but it shouldn't stop you from dressing properly to the occasion and I think it is rather disrespectful attending a teacher-parenting conference wearing Jack Wolfskin from head to toe (we had a teacher who always did that and I HATED her for that (and other reasons, I am not THAT trivial)).
Anyway, my man and I are planning our next adventure and it includes a road trip through Europe where we will live medieval-style for a couple of weeks and I figured such an adventure and heels don't go well together...
Soooo, I needed proper outdoor attire and, following the rant from above about people not being able to choose the proper attire for the occasion, I figured I needed to apply my own rule and get some good outdoorsey things for our trip. I ended up buying a nice blue and grey jacket with a fleece included and even if I still cringe a little inwardly admitting it, I kind of love the jacket and have been spotted wearing it in the supermarket with sneakers (OMG, I am becoming one of THESE people). So probably next month you will find me running around wearing no makeup and a Deuter rucksack - but if I should, please shoot me.
PS More updates on the journey in the near future.
Let me tell you about my day yesterday. Ever since I quit my job, I have actually worked more than in the months I had a full-time job, believe me...
It's crazy at the moment, but a great crazy and preferable to the monotonous everyday life.
Aaaaanyway, yesterday. I had many plans and wanted to traipse round all the official offices like the work agency and the health insurance office to get everything covered, so I wandered off and soon, rather too soon for my roughly steeled nerves which I had anticipated were needed when consulting any of these offices, everything was settled and I was only left to do what I dreaded most - buying a pair of jeans.
Honestly, there is NOTHING more terrible than buying jeans, is there? It is a deeply humiliating, eye-opening, sweat and tear-involved, and mostly fruitless, undertaking. Still, I desperately needed a pair, as we are soon to be heading off on our journey and I need a good pair of jeans for that - six to eight weeks in a car is nothing where you wear tights and dresses, as I usually do. So, jeans it had to be.
Panic slightly pumping up, I steeled myself anew and marched to the nearest shopping centre. I saw the H&M sign and wanted to hurl and decided I didn't want to buy H&M jeans. I don't want to put H&M down and I shop there quite often, but there is nothing more terrible than their jeans. They're tight, fit badly and are terribly over-priced for not really being wearable, so I decided I could put a little more money into the whole matter, but at least wind up with a pair I would actually wear.
So, I went into S.Oliver and immediately turned around, as I didn't want to spend THAT kind of money, seriously... Then I spotted Peek & Cloppenburg and remembered that besides the expensive stuff, they also have reasonably priced items there, and it might be sale...
And it was! Can you believe it? I went upstairs to the cheaper stuff and what did I behold? A table packed with jeans and a huge SALE sign above it. I nearly started crying. Now, I was only praying there were sizes left that would fit me because sales and me don't work well together as I am an averagely fat person. Neither am I thin enough to fit the small sizes left by everyone else, nor fat enough to go to the next section, in short, I wear sizes most women wear.
Still, I found a pair of jeans pretty quickly, but it didn't end there. In total, I found THREE pairs of jeans that actually fit, were reasonably priced (due to the sale) and didn't made me hurl when I had to pull them up my feisty thighs. Eureka! I added some pics below so you can admire my bargain.
It was the first time since A&F that jeans-shopping didn't want me to commit suicide and I am writing this wearing one of them, so, success!
I was truly happy to have found a fitting pair, as it is high-time to get on with our trip and I will tell you why. Innsbruck is not a big city and, inevitably, you meet people and as I am not the most sociable person (which is a nice term for highly prejudiced and hardly forgiving), I don't enjoy the most encounters I have with other people (in the street, I mean). Well, yesterday, I had six of them. Thankfully, I could dodge four of them and the other two were pleasant enough as I like the people. Seriously, first I met a girl I once had a loose friendship with during a dance camp, then I met a former school colleague and then, most dreaded of all, a former student of mine. In the book store I met aforementioned two friends with whom I had a lovely chat before seeing one of my other school's colleagues cycling past me on the way home (by then I was wearing a hood, so she didn't see me). Of course it is nice to know people, I guess, still, I am looking forward to living in a big city once more where hardly anyone knows me (goodness, that must sound horrible to all of you, but I don't mean it necessarily that way, but who of you can tell me there isn't this one person you dread meeting in the streets?)
My man has recently told me an outrageous story which made me ponder about people and the world once again...
In the US, a man actually sued Apple because his son was killed in a car accident in which the other driver had used his Apple phone while driving. He claimed Apple should have included something in their phones to prevent people from using phones while driving. I mean how insane is that? Fortunately, the lawsuit didn't come through, still, it shows plainly how wrong we think as a society.
In my opinion, we are over-ruled and I don't mean that as in "overruled" but as in "we have too many rules." People are being stripped away of any responsibility for what they do, care or think. Thinking, as such, is being made redundant because there is an authoritative force everywhere telling you what to do.
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